Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I Need a Distraction

I'm in a bit of a foul mood today.  Something that is a very, very minor bump in the road happened this morning.  It was all a result of my own procrastination - I've been really busy since I've taken on a part-time outside job (more on that later) and am struggling a little bit with time management. I forgot to pay a personal bill on time and now I have a stupid late fee to pay.  See, pretty minor in the grand scheme of things right?  I know it isn't that big of a deal but this was just a classic case of "Hi Straw, have you met camel's back?".  Ugh.  I haven't had to pay a late fee in years, an achievement that seemed impossible to the financially irresponsible girl I was in my 20's and early 30's.  So having this happen now feels like a much bigger setback than it really is.  Like, I thought I had it together and then this happened, so maybe I'm not as together as I thought. You know? 

I'm definitely headed for a shame spiral.

And now I'm feeling like I'm just a big, fat, unorganized mess who can't even keep a clean house. So much of our homemaking duties gets dumped on B because of my ever-changing schedule in pursuit of my business ownership dreams.  I'm definitely feeling the guilt and the stress from the guilt. 

The guilt is 100% self inflicted - my boyfriend couldn't be more supportive and he honestly never complains about doing more of the day-to-day cleaning and dog related chores.  This incredible guy has been right by my side for the last three years (since the giant layoffs at the design firm I thought I'd be at for years) while I've tried job after job after job, looking for "The One".  The one that would make me really happy, financially secure and excited to go to day after day. He's never told me to suck it up and stay at a job I absolutely hated.  He's never told me I couldn't have a successful business.  He is just the best.

And I reward him by making him the default house-cleaner and dog-walker.  On top of that, I pay bills late. 

Total shame spiral.

Hence my need for a distraction.  I need to pull myself out of this productivity-killing funk stat! 

It's a little early for booze (hear that Kathie Lee and Hoda?).


I'm getting my ass off this sofa and walking some dogs!  Hopefully some fresh air and the satisfaction from doing one of B's weekday chores will alleviate some guilt and put me in a more productive (and less whiny!) frame of mind. I may even get some vacuuming and laundry done hurray!

I promise tomorrow's post will be back on the lighter, less complaining side.

How do you get out of funks and foul moods? 


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